Getting married is one of the biggest events of our lives, and is just the first step of many taken by people who want to start a family. When we first start dating our spouse or soon to be the sex is great, and comes pretty often too. Everything is great at first, however as time progresses things seem to slow down.
Life comes at you fast after you get married, so it should be expected that we would have less sex due to us having less free time and energy to do so but to what extent should it slow? Believe it or not many married people go without sex and not just those who are unhappy with each other.
It is estimated that up to 20% of all marriages are completely sexless so there are people out there who don’t need sex in their lives.
With that being said most of us don’t fall into this category, and want to have a healthy sex life along with a happy marriage. So what can we do about a sexless marriage if that isn’t what we want?
1-It Takes Two to Tango
The first thing you need to do is to assess how both of you feel about the marriage. You have to both want to have sex again to make it work, and if not you should definitely seek out the help of a therapist to aid you in doing so.
If both you and you partner want to improve your sex lives, you need to make the time to do so. It may sound ridiculous but if need be you should start scheduling in times in which you can do so. Not only can this be a much needed break from your regular routine, but it can be something that you can look forward to in the future, and will strengthen your relationship in the process.
2-Be Physically Able to Do So
This may sound obvious, however there are many of us that suffer from health problems we are unaware of that go unchecked. Things like high blood pressure, high cholesterol and other common problems that people have can also affect how they feel and even how they perform in bed.
If you or your partner is overweight, the chances of them having some type of sexual dysfunction or a hormonal imbalance is significantly higher than it is for someone of average weight. Being overweight is going to cause you to have lower energy levels and a lower sex drive whether you are male or female.
For men, having high cholesterol or being overweight can actually cause sexual dysfunction, in the worst case scenario not being able to get an erection at all.
These common health conditions can definitely have a hugely negative impact on your sex life, but the good news is that you can always lose weight, and the symptoms are reversible. Losing some weight can both improve your libido, and can help reduce your chances of suffering from erectile dysfunction.
In the meantime however, you shouldn’t neglect being intimate with your partner even if you are unable to have sex. Being there for your partner during these hard times is going to strengthen the bonds of your relationship and create new opportunities for intimacy.
3-Mental Health is Important Also
Depression, anxiety and other common psychiatric disorders are another obstacle we have to face when trying to have a healthy sex life. Depression, anxiety and many other common problems people face usually are on set with no notice, and can sometimes last for months.
Someone who is depressed isn’t going to want to have sex until they are feeling normal again, which again can take a long time. If their partner has never experienced depression before it can be difficult for them to emphasize with, and thus can become easily frustrated with the situation.
The best thing both parties can do here is to make sure that they are still being intimate even if that means no sex. Try your best to still show your partner that you care about them by cuddling, holding hands and other forms of physical intimacy that doesn’t necessarily involve sex. It will greatly help to keep your relationship healthy down the line.