Inevitably at one point or another past relationship is going to come up on a date or in conversation. While doing so on occasion is normal, many of us know that doing so too often can really destroy relationship, but how much is too often?
If you’re going out on a date especially with somebody new, it’s difficult to avoid talking about past and relationships altogether. You can’t pretend as if you’ve never been on a date before as this is obviously not the case, however you don’t want to give the impression that you are obsessed with an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend.
Determining whether not doing so is appropriate is going to depend on many different factors such as the person in which are speaking with, however there are some general rules in which you can stick by to help yourself avoid looking like you’re still interested in your ex.
Avoid Talking About Your Ex on First Dates
The first thing you want to do here is to avoid talking about your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend on a first date at all costs. It is a huge red flags if somebody brings up an ex on a first date as there should be plenty of things to talk about as you just met the person and know nothing about them.
You also have to remember that first impressions are everything and if the topic of discussion involved mainly around who use dated in the past, chances are that the second date is never happening.
Don’t Bring Up Past or Current Feelings
As mentioned earlier, inevitably at one point or another in ex golfer and her boyfriend is going to come up in conversation. When this happens thing you want to avoid doing is displaying past or current feelings you have two words that person.
For example if the topic of travel comes up and where you’ve got in the past, it is ok to bring up past trips youth had with a boyfriend or girlfriend. Thing you want to avoid here is talking about how you feel or felt towards them, as in mentioning them acting abnormal or like a lunatic which is very commonly done.
Whether not your ex really was a complete sociopath here is irrelevant, as you making a mention in doing so just makes you look bad. No one has ever made a positive impression and insulting someone they’ve dated prior so avoid doing so.
Conversely, if you were to talk about the ex in too positive of a light, it may give your date the impression that you are still in love or our feelings for the person.
What you want to do here is to not mention your ex at all if you’re not prompted to do so, so don’t even bring them up unless your date asks you a relative question.
Don’t Use the Term “Ex”
Another huge mistake people make in dating is referring to their ex-boyfriend or girlfriend as just their ex, and nothing else. Doing so almost gives off a dehumanizing feel, as this person as no other identity except for the fact that they had dated you previously.
Referring to your ex as such may be completely benign on your part, however perception is key and it won’t look that way to date. Doing so can even make you look hostile and resentful towards that person, which definitely is a look you want to go for.
The easiest solution here is to just refer to your ex by name if they come up in conversation like you would do with virtually anybody else you’re talking about.
If You Absolutely Have To-Mention Them in a Good Light
This rule applies pretty much in every relationship in any area of life, if you want to make a good impression on a person and pass relationships come up in conversation-it is in your best interest to not talk negatively about these people.
You have to remember that from the other person’s perspective this looks really bad because the person you’re talking about simply can’t defend themselves and thus you can virtually say whenever you want about them without being contested.
When someone harps about the negative aspects of someone who they’ve had a relationship in the past it reflects more so on them that it does on the person who they are bad mouthing.
Just remember that if you’re ex-boyfriend or girlfriend does come up in conversation with a new date make sure not to be too harsh on them.